Friday, September 12, 2008

Mi Inspiration

I captured my future NBAers out in the backyard the other day. I must say that it made me quite proud that despite the absense of their father, they appear to be growing up "right". As a single parent, I'm always wondering if at the end of their childhood, eighteen, I believe the age is, are they going to be alright? From the looks of this video, I believe they are on the right path.
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Thursday, August 7, 2008

Marry Yourself

Ladies, how many of us are still awaiting our Prince Charming and dreaming like little girls about that fairytale wedding that’s just gotta happen? How many of us are at our wits end because it doesn’t seem as though he’s out there? Well ladies, why not marry ourselves? I mean, yeah it sounds a little crazy and even desperate, maybe, but think about it. Who could possibly love us more than we love ourselves? You do love you, don’t you?

Here’s what you gotta do. Start planning your wedding. Don’t tell anybody yet, cause trust me, they’ll think you’ve lost your mind. Your wedding can be as big or as small as you like. Remember to budget cause you still got to go on your honeymoon. The first thing you should do is pick the date. If you’re not inviting anyone, this should be easy. But perhaps you will want a girlfriend or two to share your special moment with you, you decide, who knows, if they are single, they might just want to marry themselves as well. But it has to be girlfriends you trust because remember, hush is the word, you don’t want your sanity questioned.

Okay, after you’ve picked the date, it’s time to outline the events of the day. Since most weddings are performed in the spring and summer months, you should find plenty of interesting things to do on your special day. But if you decide on a winter or fall wedding, that’s fine too. Since this is a non-conventional event, who says you have to follow the norm. First and foremost a trip to the spa is essential. Nothing says I love me more, than a pampering session. But before you even do that, treat yourself to a nice breakfast to start the day off right. You can either prepare yourself a breakfast filled with all of your favorite edible delights or you can check into a hotel the day before and on the morning of your wedding order in room service. It’s your wedding day, do it how you do it!

Since you preplanned this day, I’m sure you’ve already made a hair appointment for the occasion. You know the queen’s locks have to be tight. So let’s see, we’ve got breakfast with ourselves, a trip to the spa and hair salon on our agenda, what else do we have to do? Oh yeah, before I forget, how about the reception? Now this is where you can invite other people to join in the celebration. You can have a traditional reception in party style or you can have a quaint little dinner someplace with your selected guest. Hum, let’s see, oh, mercy, I almost forgot the ring. Now that I think about it, you can either do a ring or perhaps a necklace or other piece of jewelry. Once again, you decide, it’s your day!

I must admit, as I’m typing this, I’m starting to question my own sanity at this point. Am I really sitting here telling women how to plan their own wedding to themselves? Let me continue, I think I’m on to something. Where was I? Aw, yes, remember when picking out your ring or whatever, please stay within your budget. You don’t want to purchase something that later will have you resenting yourself for spending too much money. It’s one of the number one causes of disdain in a marriage; you’re not trying to cause any conflict within your marriage.

What’s next? Your outfit for the occasion is the next order of business. Most brides get married in white dresses. The traditional white dress was worn to signify purity. I don’t know about you but my very thoughts would prohibit me from wearing a white dress, so color is definitely not an issue here. Decide what you’re going to wear on this once-in-a-life-time event. I can say that with certainty cause I don’t believe you’ll be divorcing yourself. If it’s within your budget, go on and splurge on your dress. Go on and buy you a real wedding dress. Okay, I’m strongly starting to question my sanity here. But really, this is serious business. I believe if you make this as real as the real deal, you’ll have a sense of closure on the whole, I want to get married thing. Trust me when I say, with the divorce rate extremely high and people doing a Jekyll and Hyde after they get that piece of paper, this way is much better.

Now for the hard part, which probably should have been done before any of the other things, but hey, this is my first time planning a wedding where a person would be marrying themselves, so cut me some slack, alright? Who’s going to officiate the wedding? There are all kinds of places that perform unconventional marriages, so this might not be too hard to find, now that I really think about it. And since some people are opting to just live together so that they won’t have to worry about paying that nice chunk of change to get unhitched, the wedding performers might be a little desperate themselves. So check around and see what you can find.

Last but certainly not least, as they say, what are you doing for the honeymoon? This one is limitless. You can either go on a solo cruise, a few of your pals and yourself cruise, or you can take about a week off from work and hole up in a swank hotel suite. Do whatever you like, this is all about you!

Well, I think I’ve covered everything. I’ve been married before and there wasn’t much planning or money that went into my trip into Helly Matrimony, and I am truly thankful for that. But, if I were to do it again, which by the way, I have more of a desire to marry myself, than I do a man, these plans look about right.

I sure hope this has been most helpful, if only for a good laugh. Once my money gets right, I might have to put this into action. My current beau and I have no plans of getting married, but hey, I don’t think he’ll mind if I marry myself.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Today I Become a Blogger

Hello, my name is Trisha, (you all know that already, don’t you), anyway, today I officially commit to becoming a blogger. Not that blogging is new to me. After all, I was blogging before I knew what blogging was. See, I had another website over 10 years ago. I won’t tell you the name of it cause someone may do a search only to find that my former site, where I inspired and motivated people, like I hope to do here, is now one of those adult material sites. Yep, I forgot to renew my name registration and it expired. Oh well, this time I’ll make sure I stay on top of thangs.

Like I was saying, I used to blog daily before other things took my attention away. The name of the page on my site was, Today’s Happenings. On Today’s Happenings, I would tell my dear readers how my life was going. It was like my own little reality show, where my readers, instead of watching my life unfold in front of their eyes on a T.V. screen, they would read my graphic, detailed account of Today’s Happenings. Since I basically write how I speak, and that depends on what mood I’m in, of course, it was just like being there.

One of the things that you will learn about me in my bloggings is that I am a very opinionated person. Some would even call me controversial, which a lot of opinionated people are, so I’m cool with that description. Another thing you will learn is although I am a very spiritual person and give God His props every chance I get, I am a down to earth, speak my mind, no-holds-barred kind of person. I’ve been called brutally honest by some. I believe that the truth sets folks free, so I speak it freely. I must admit that I don’t have a lot of friends, more males than females; ya’ll know how that goes. And that’s okay too.

One reason I want to get this blogging thing started is because I know it is a way to promote myself, which isn’t new to me either, promoting myself, that is. I’ve been promoting myself and others for years. I even had a promotional company called, A-Z Promotions. I’ll probably share that story with you in one of my future blogs. Anyway, the other reason I want to start blogging on a regular basis is because eventually my blogs will be compiled into a whole book. And, perhaps someone will see my musings and think to themselves, self, I think this chick has what it takes to be paid for her writing skills. Hey, it could happen. Hey, it’s gonna happen. Another thing is, I just invested in a lap top computer which was one of my goal things to get and I want to make sure that my investment was well spent. I mean, a writer should be able to access and organize her writing materials at all times. Being mobile is not only chic to me, but when I dropped nearly $600.00 bones; that’s dollars for the mature folk, I considered that validation that I was serious about my writing career.

Well, I think I’ve covered enough to consider this a formal introduction of myself as well as a good example of my writing style. I am a very animated, emotional and spirited person and want to convey that in my blogs. Hopefully this blogging thang will lead to bigger and better opportunities for me but, if I should fall short of that mark, hey, I’ll just take it for whatever it’s worth. I’ll add it to the dozens of other projects I’ve managed to give birth to over the years. At any rate, get ready to be taken on a rollercoaster ride as you venture into my blogging world, Mi 3cents Worth. Peace.

Happy Dolladays!

“Happy holidays,” everyone says when a day comes around that is designated to be celebrated. But has anyone ever thought about the amount of money that’s spent on celebrating these one day spend-fests? Take July 4th since it has recently passed. How many of us went out there and spent money ear-marked for routine monthly expenses that we’ve been praying we can pay on a monthly basis? Secondly, given the many accidents that have been caused by fireworks, it should make us take a second glance at our wallets before taking already tight funds out and spending them on such a dangerous product. I’m thinking back on the horrible accident that took place near my home town, last year involving five individuals who were transporting fireworks to a location and started removing them and placing them into another vehicle, only to become victims of an explosion that non of them could have foreseen.

Four people lost their lives while the fifth is alive, but traumatized to the point that, I’m sure, when July 4th comes around each year, she can never be in a celebratory mood again. How many other accidents happen but have gone unreported? I haven’t bought fireworks in years and even if I could afford them now, I’d still opt to take my youngest two sons to watch the beautiful displays at a neighborhood park and not have to worry about the possibility of rushing someone to the emergency room, in the name of celebration.

Now that’s just July 4th, what about Easter, which is sometimes called, the fashion show at church, Thanksgiving, (everyday is a day of thanksgiving), Christmas, which in recent years, has been referred to as Xmas, which clearly takes the Christ out of the celebration for those who choose to use that word? Then there’s Mother’s and Father’s Day and recently, Grandparent’s Day was added, where we give honor to the individuals who brought us into the world or who spoiled us when momma and daddy wouldn’t. There are countless other holidays sprinkled on the dates of the calendar that have us spending money that would have normally been spent on living expenses.
Now if celebrating these various holidays does not put a pinch on your pocketbook, then I say, spend on. But for those of us who are still itching for a scratch trying to figure out how we’re gonna make ends meet, plus have a little enjoyment, I say it’s quite alright if we don’t spend what we already don’t have on some of them. And although it feels good to be able to provide a special gift for this or that occasion, if the money isn’t really there, the good feeling will soon be replaced with dread and worry as we hope and pray that somehow more money will come from somewhere so that we can make that bill payment.

I’m not saying we can’t enjoy life, but it’s how you do it, which in my opinion, is much more important than how much money you spend on doing it. Things done in moderation seem to leave me with a sense of accomplishment knowing I was able to do something nice for someone and yet, not have cut myself short in the pockets by doing so.

As food and gas prices continue to rise and a roof on top of our heads are not to be taken for granted, we must pay more attention to the pennies we are forever trying to stretch; every penny certainly does count. As each of these designated holidays approach, pick and choose wisely, and should you decide to participate, do it moderately, you’ll enjoy it for days to come.

It Takes a Village

It is said that it takes a village to raise children. But it appears some of the villagers must be asleep or on vacation. As a divorced mother of four, I struggle daily to make sure when my children leave my watchful eyes that they act like they have home training. Some days they act like it, most days they don’t. But that doesn’t stop me from constantly staying on top of my mommy duties. I must admit that it gets frustrating competing with the media, peers and the state of society as a whole, but I refuse to give up my post. I have successfully raised my two eldest, ages twenty-one and eighteen. My daughter left the nest at the age of twenty and has held a job since the tender age of fifteen. My eldest son has worked odd jobs since the age of thirteen and recently acquired a steady job at the age of eighteen. He is even researching stock options. My two youngest boys, ages eleven and 9 are a whole other beast. Just trying to get them to keep their room clean and learn in an environment that is full of distractions is my biggest challenge with them right now. But past experience has taught me that I can raise my children without the help of the villagers. I have and will. I will not give up my post.

Single and coupled parents alike, I implore you to not give up on our children. “I can’t do a thing with my son”, some of you may have said. Others of you may have uttered, “My daughter hates me; I can’t get through to her”. Just don’t give up. Some of us might have been rebellious, remember? I sure remember my days of rebellion and guess what? My parents knew that it was theirs as well as some of the villagers’ duty to keep us in line. This was when it was okay for a parent to use some good old fashioned corporal punishment, of course. But still they never gave up on us. We owe it to our children to constantly stay on them no matter what. Communication is the key. I’m talking about from birth on. I know when there is something wrong with each of my children. I know them very well. They were raised to tell me everything. But of course, some things I’ve had to pull out of them. All I’m saying is our children need us more now than ever. Don’t give up your post. The villagers may be asleep, but we as parents should all sleep with one eye open at all times.

Daddy Where Are You?

As a single parent of four children, three of them whom are boys, I ask the question, “daddy where are you”? My own biological father was not in my life, but I did have a daddy. My mother married an older man who, being born in the early 1900’s, 1910 to be exact, was old school. I didn’t find out until I was grown with my own child that that particular man was not my real father.

First forward to 2008 as I am raising my four children alone, I have to ask the question, once more, “daddy where are you”? The man who raised me was a real man. Never did he once give it away that he was not my real father. “Daddy where are you?!”

As I go through the daily maze, called my life, I see a lot of women with multiple offspring going through their own mazes. Where are the daddies? The strained, often pained look on their faces as they transport their children to and from the daycare, the schools, the grocery stores, the doctor’s office, the movies (if they can afford it), the front doors of their homes, with roofs barely over their heads, is the same look I’m sure others see upon my face.

As my children are growing up, I feel the sadness come over me sometimes, only when I have time to think about it, of course. I wonder how a human being, with hot, red blood running through their veins and their heart leave behind children whom they helped co-create. Do they even have a heart? They can’t. I can’t imagine a day going by without me hearing my children, even when they get on my last nerve. None of them asked to be here. All of them deserve the love or lust, in which they were created from.

There are a multitude of children being raised by single mothers, doing the best that they can to ensure that their children have the basics of human survival needs. But it’s so unfair that the daddies are missing in action. Yes, we make poor choices in our selection of co-creators, but that still doesn’t justify the fact that a man can just up and leave the scene never to look back again. How do you think it makes our boy children feel to know that daddy doesn’t care enough to be involved in their lives? And as they get older and are around other children with daddies who are present in their lives, I’m sure they ask the question to themselves, “daddy where are you”?

Let’s not even think about our little girls who’ll never be, a daddy’s little girl. It used to be a special thing to be called “daddy’s little girl”, but the daddies aren’t even around to give them that title. Who’s going to protect our girls from the big bad wolves out there? Mommy’s busy trying to ward off her own big, bad wolves in sheep’s clothing.

There aren’t many unselfish men out there willing to step in where they see that a man needs to be, like the man who raised me. Children need that male influence, but it’s not there. The men that we used to be able to look up to and respect in the community have turned their backs, as well. Mister Pastor is so busy trying to lay hands on momma, he don’t have any hands left to hand out discipline to a wayward, fatherless child in his congregation. What are we supposed to do? How are women supposed to raise these boys into men? We can only do so much. What about the “big talk”? Maybe it’s just as well that men aren’t around for that. Given the present conditions and thought process of our men, I think it’s better to have no input than input that could influence our young boys into making generational errors about parenting in their future. As I struggle to raise my four children into responsible, independent, self-respecting individuals, I thank God that this woman is strong enough to endure the task at hand and not waste too much time asking the question, “daddy, where are you”?

My Life in a Nutshell

I am a single parent of four children. By all accounts, I should not be alive to write this piece. I say this because I know that God has a special purpose for me to fulfill and therefore the enemy has been trying to keep me from my destiny even before I was born.

I was born August 23, 1967, premature and struggling for my life soon after I took my first raggedy breath. Born to an alcoholic mother, I spent a month in the ICU for infants. Finally able to come home, I was still not out of danger. I cried constantly. My mother, to this day, admits that she put alcohol in my bottle to help me sleep.

A close relative recounts the story of how she was led to St. Louis, not even knowing where my mother resided to save me from the grips of death. She later revealed how my mom, frustrated with all of my crying, seemingly for no reason, had contemplated putting a pillow over my small body and putting us both out of misery.

Fast forward to my teenage years. As a teenager, I lived a strict life. The man who raised me was not my biological father. He was an old fashioned man; a good man as far as I could tell. He provided for his family and worked well past retirement age. My sisters and I were not allowed to attend the parties and events that our friends did. My father passed when I was sixteen and that was the beginning of life as a wild child. I wouldn’t say that I was a bad kid as much as I would say I was a kid trying to find my own way. After my father passed, I felt like I had to catch up with what I had missed out on when he was alive.

I always felt that I was the ugly duckling of me and my two sisters, so when boys and eventually men started taking an interest in me, I was thrilled. At the age of seventeen, it was nothing for me to be in the company of a twenty five year old. Years later I would learn that I was the victim of sexual abuse because these men were illegally having sex with me.

I had my first child at nineteen. At the time that I found out I was expecting, I was attending college. Not knowing the first thing about motherhood or the life ahead of me, I dropped out of college. Two years later, I had my second child. This time by the man I would later marry and go on to have two more children with. Given my strict upbringing, the man that I married would not have been a prime choice. My life with him took me through a life of co-dependency with drugs and alcohol. When my second child was almost two years old, I re-entered school and received a certificate in the clerical field. After completing the course, I was offered a job that I stayed at for thirteen years.

Which brings us to the present. Today I am the proud parent of four children; two teenagers and two grade school age children. I am a homeowner, an entrepreneur and a published author. I have survived a divorce, life without child support and other unforeseen traps that the enemy had set before me to keep me from my destiny. But if you are reading this, it means that I am living out my destiny and that is to inspire the world through my writing.